Secret government program using new technology to combat warming

Secret government programs have been all the rage at the  White House lately.

Their programs seem to work for everything except stopping Climate Change.  They have tried cutting CO2, politely asking China to stop and destroyed whole industries who didn’t donate to them.

I would think all the new regulations would have stopped Warming dead in it’s tracks!  You’ve heard what’s happening to the earth, heatwaves unleashed from hell, etc. etc.

Forced hand

Green groups have finally decided to order the government to do something about it.  Now with the reluctant help of our military, we may finally see the end of warming.

The president has finally been forced to turn to use his favorite toys to fix the issue.  The military and drones.

Secrets set in motion

He was easily able to trick his Vice President on a dare to break into Hillary Clinton’s personal email in her basement in order to find the most “qualified” personnel for the job.

Months of almost glory!

“We have had many close run ins with it but haven’t had a clear shot. It looked like it was being hid in a climate denier’s petting zoo late last year and we thought we had it after our third Tomahawk missile, but we only found hay and baby formula in the rubble” exclaimed Commander Kangaroo.

Last month we were able to take out a denier’s aspirin factory and half an orphanage in the hunt!

“We have had great successes, but this is an expensive operation, we may need to ask for more from PETA to continue funding our missiles.”

Snowmen found melting in July

Scientists have now found the largest northern snowman loss since record keeping began.  7.28 million have been lost since July.   They are now melting at a rate four times faster than the global temperature and 2 out of 10 known populations have been decreasing.

The main threat to the snowman is the loss of its habitat due to changing climate caused by man.Habitat disapearing

“I’ve seen them melt with my own eyes!” local warming expert Buckwheat “Spanky” Johnson told GWA during his recess.  “we cannot say that if we stay below two degrees of warming everything will be fine”

His organization, headed up by a team of Washington lobbyists,  monitors a 24-hour emergency snowman line.  According to Buckwheat’s mommy, he got the idea after paging through the pictures of his latest Aquaman comic book.

Mass extinction and nightmare scenario.

If snowman habitats continue disappearing at this same rate each spring and summer, our great-grandchildren will end up rolling balls of steamy mud instead of frosty.

Mass extinction