The earth has been around for millenniums. It has survived wars, nuclear devastation, cavemen, dinosaurs, climate deniers and even moronic comments on Facebook. Some believed the end of the world was going to happen when the stock market crashed, world war II or when the Mayan calendar ended. They were wrong!
There is a new threat to our loveable little planet and big oil is finally getting what they always wanted. After working hard to spew tons of Co2 into the atmosphere, greenhouse gases may be attracting killer meteors. The last time CO2 was this high, earth got smacked by a dinosaur killing spaceball.
According a joint study by al-Qaeda and the Whitehouse, all Americans need to start paying carbon taxes or soon we’ll be trying to get to outer space just to cool down. If the human race can either get them to shut down or just move out of the U.S, it could slow down the attraction of the planet killers.
The lead researcher on the project warned, “right now greenhouse gases are attracting asteroids like hookers to bad cologne“. If it’s not stopped soon were all going to be dodging exploding fireballs from space. If the children can’t run, leave them behind.
There is another group of climate scientist believers funded by several top democrats who are studying ways to nudge the moon in the direction of each asteroid. A lead researcher on the project commented, “one theory is, if we move it fast enough, it would be like a giant game of pong and we don’t really care what happens to the moon”.
According to the White House, this can wait for the president to take action until after he accepts the ISIS Peace prize on his next trip to the Middle East.